i was listening to this tonight driving home along pch with my windows open:
A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...I wish you would
The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...I think you should
Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...I guess I should
This song, strangely enough, has had so many meanings. SO many. waleed told me a couple of nights ago (when he was an asshole on the phone) that (and this is a condensed and much more articulated version of what he said...less swearing too...very rough quoting) that im "stupid because music isnt supposed to mean something or turn into something its just supposed to sound good". personally i think that's bullshit. and in re-reading that, i am SO much more eloquant in my mere attempt to quote him. ass-clown!
i felt tonight that this was a sort of prayer. i know it sounds stupid but bear with me. it has been an unusually long december, and this year will be better than the last. I havent decided who "you" is, perhaps god, perhaps mom, perhaps me. to me, tonight, one more day up in the canyons, and one more night in hollywood, are suddenly the same thing. its not about seperation and coming back together, i think its about leaving, about saying goodbye. kate told me that when she was at exeter, she saw the tom petty video for free falling, the one where he's coming down the escalator at the west side pavilion, and she just burst into tears she was so homesick. i think this song will touch me in the same way when i leave for college. "one more day up in the canyons, and it's one more night in hollywood". the referances, the memories, kind of hinted at.
forgiven. forgiven...for what? for everything? i dont think i could list everything. for everything in the canyons (palisades?) and hollywood, no i dont think there's room for that. or is there? i think there's always room in music. "and all at once you look across a crowded room to see the way that light attaches to a girl" i've secretly (or perhaps not-so-secretly) always wanted to be that girl. the one you notice the details about. perhaps thats somewhat like me wanting to have memorable conversations. but who doesnt grow up in LA and want to be remembered in slow-mo? i think i watch far too many romantic comedys. I feel like that "think you might come to California...think you should" is me being reminded to come home, to not forget about what we're forgiven for. Some, ok alot of the song is very obscure, kinda fuzzy, not specific to me. i think that's ok. it doesnt all have to relate. its just supposed to make you feel, identify. here's what's richest to me:
"I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass"
that's me. i hold onto moments in ways that other people don't. i think that's special about me. i live the specifics, the quiet details, the ones that make good photos and only seem important when you listen to enya when you're thinking about them. just a prayer.
