happy christmas!

you can't hide
behind social graces
so don't try
to be all touchy feely
cuz you lie
in my face of all places
but I got no
problem with that really
what bugs me
is that you believe what you're saying
what bothers me
is that you don't know how you feel
what scares me
is that while you're telling me stories
you actually
believe that they are real
I get no illusions about you
guess what
I never did
when I said
when I said I'll take it
I meant
I meant as is
just give up
and admit you're as asshole
you would be
in some good companyand I think you'd find
that your friends would forgive you
or maybe I
am just speaking for me
when I look around
I think this, this is good enough
and I try to laugh
at whatever life brings
cuz when I look down
I just miss all the good stuff
and when I look up
I just trip over things
i've got no illusions about you
guess what
I never did
when I say
when I say i'lll take it
I mean
I mean as is
-(Ani Difranco)
This song has no specific personal or relative meaning to me, its just one of my favorites right now. I love the idea of being content with "as is", "as you are", "as it lies now". makes me happy.

So it turns out that Eva is my secret santa! I love her because she gives you presents that you feel silly asking for. I love my family so much. I went to mass last night alone and just reveled in it. Lucky or not in opinion, it's a beautiful world. Confusion until 4, with a little over-worked payoff, but I'm rich. A touching letter from Grandpa (and Grandma in spirit) and another page ripped off the Gary Larson Far Side Calendar. I'm a lucky girl. I love. *smile*

i really really really want to go see lord of the rings. im restless just watching malcolm in the middle and eating scones. brr. could use some snowing right about now.